Brokenness. It affects us all at some point in our lives, doesn’t it? Whether it’s from things we have done or things others have done to us, we fight against wounds that are present. Sometimes, those wounds lay deep and are scabbed over, almost forgotten, a semblance of progression of healing. Other times, for various reasons, the wounds feel as if they’ve surfaced again, open and gaping.
I have dreams to remind me of my brokenness. Awake, I am constantly seeking my Lord and directing my thoughts toward Him. He is my rock and my salvation and a constant source of comfort. I feel safe in His embrace, whole in His presence. But when my thoughts are bound by sleep, and I lose the ability to consciously run to Him, my dreams can be tormenting. They remind me of the wounds I have from a past filled with hurt.
Over the last six months, my anxious and fear-ridden dreams returned, after mostly eluding me for years. It has been difficult trying to figure out why they have come back to haunt me. But God has given me the tools to be able to address them, and now that I’m on the other side of them (and finally sleeping in peace again, praise Jesus), I am coming to an understanding of why they have returned. I may feel strong and whole, but there is still an area of my life that needs complete emotional healing. Unresolved pain, not from lack of effort, still has me in its grips. It’s been uncovered again and brought to the surface, and I am facing it only with the strength He gives me.
In my brokenness, God reminds me that I daily need Him for wholeness. It’s a blessing in disguise, really, because of my human nature to want to present myself as having it all together. The reality is, I don’t, and I desperately need Him.
So today, after a bout of tears hit me unexpectedly during my time with my heavenly Father, I pleaded with Him to continue healing me and to take away the pain I feel from a lifetime ago – to once and for all heal the wounds that continue to gape open.
We have a tendency to believe that if we don’t think about our pain, if we order our lives so that we’re not reminded of it, if we put up thick walls so that others can’t get in, then that is healing. That is NOT HEALING. That is burial. And if you bury something that has life left in it (like unresolved pain), it will kick and fight and scratch to come back to the surface. When that happens, it leaves you feeling the same as you once did, discouraged because you think it will always be there. And you have two choices. Bury it again (to surely surface again later) or face the pain and do what is needed for continued healing.
What pain do you still have from years ago? What healing do you need? I encourage you to stay on your face before God. Realize that we need Him daily. Thank Him for the blessing of His sustaining love. Follow His lead in getting the help you need. Get into counseling.
Don’t just bury it. Uncover it – and give it to God again.
Our brokenness is actually a blessing! It keeps us in a humble posture before God, so that He can use us to our full potential for His Kingdom. So through it all, thank God for the opportunity to remember how much we daily need Him and carry on doing His most important work.
Be blessed friends,
Angie
Angie Jennings 