Faith

Always Working On Your Marriage Doesn’t Always Work

The other night was amazing. Not because I was able to catch up on some much needed housework. Or because I had time to work on some unfinished projects.

But because my husband Lance and I had an evening to just sit, watch television, read, and study.

It was peaceful and some might consider lazy. But it was needed. With four children, full time jobs, and a small farm, our lives can be very hectic.

We watched a show together, quietly. I had time to have a long Bible Study. He had time to research fly fishing and put together a well thought out plan to catch as many trout as he can using just the right fly’s at just the right size for just the right conditions and time frames based on the life cycle of the fish (I’m learning a little too I suppose!).

We did what we wanted to do. We were together. And we were mostly quiet.

When we went to bed, he said something that made me think. He said “Thank you. For just letting me be quiet and rest.”

That one statement caused me to analyze myself. It has caused much thought about who I am and my actions.

Here’s what I have realized today in reflection.

I am needy. I want our relationship to be great. I don’t want to always pretend that everything’s okay as I have in the past. I realize how important it is to talk about my feelings, to work on our relationship. I understand that great relationships don’t push things and issues under the rug.

So I study about relationships. I read about communication. I read about having a God honoring marriage. I want to do everything RIGHT.

And I’m constantly wanting to talk to him. About his feelings. About my feelings. I want him to see me for who I am and know my heart. I want to know him better than anyone else and at a deeper level than anyone has been able to reach.

And I exhaust him!

Don’t get me wrong, he has NEVER complained. He always does his very best to converse with me and is extremely patient. It wasn’t until last night and that one little comment that I realized,

I AM WEARING HIM OUT with my chatter. Even though the intent and purpose is good and well, it’s too much. I am too impatient in my quest to have a great marriage.

I am realizing that we don’t have to figure everything out right this minute. We have a lifetime to share and work on our marriage.

In the meantime, we must allow ourselves to enjoy the journey.

There is a good balance somewhere between working on a marriage or yourself and just breathing easy and enjoying life. Sometimes working on your marriage is just being quiet and letting each other rest, enjoying life together.

This trait of mine with him and our marriage is also evident in my personal life and relationship with Christ. I have finally come to terms with my past and realize the devastation it has had on my life and me as a person. I want to heal quickly. I want to spend every moment I can working on myself and restoring my relationship with Christ. I am at the point in my life that I am passionate about my walk with Him. It’s been so long and I love it!

But I need to remember that healing takes time. I need to remember that I am on the right path and there is no need to get in a hurry. God is patient with us and He wants us to be patient with ourselves. He also wants us to enjoy life while we’re on the journey of learning more of Him and even ourselves.

I have turned into a high strung woman. And that is not my natural personality. That is not who He created me to be. I want to return to the laid back and low key personality that He blessed me with when I was born.

I don’t want good relationships. I want great ones. With Lance, my children, my friends, and mostly, with God. I must realize that it takes time and I don’t have to get there overnight. I need to relax and enjoy the journey. I need to be confident that I am headed in the right direction and give myself some space to experience a peaceful life in the process.

There is a good balance between working on yourself and your relationships and just relaxing and enjoying what you have in that moment.

And I’m sure Lance would appreciate me finding that balance quickly before he loses his sweet, more patient than I could ever be, mind!

God Whispers “Be Transparent”

I’m struggling today.

God whispers “Be transparent”

I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20

I am angry and fighting it.

God whispers “Be transparent”

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Proverbs 29:11

I am tired and want to quit.

God whispers “Be transparent”

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

My faith is wavering. I do not feel strong.

God whispers “Be transparent”

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29

I am crying more than I care to admit.

God whispers “Be transparent”

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

I am being controlled by fear.

God whispers “Be transparent”

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4

Satan is attacking me from every angle.

God whispers “Be transparent”

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. I Peter 5:8-9

As I write these words, scripture is coming to my mind. It is the only things that comforts me. God in all His wisdom has laid out for us encouragement and instruction in His word. Sometimes it’s hard to swallow. It’s a constant reminder of my failures and weaknesses. I usually know what I am supposed to do but my emotions lead me other places, off the track of what God and His word tells me.

Life is tough. But I know it could always be worse. So then I beat myself up for not being grateful enough for the life I do have. However I look at it, my mind can see the negative if I let it. And I do let it sometimes.

Most of the time, I am strong and confident and full of faith.

Other times, like today, I have to work hard to replace my negative thoughts with God’s thoughts.

Do you ever feel like this? My guess is that all of you have at some point or another. It’s my desire that we open up and share this side of ourselves. Having it all together all the time is an illusion and is not what God intended when He designed the “church”. We were created to do life together. To “mourn with those who mourn” and “rejoice with those who rejoice.” (Romans 12:15)

Do I put myself in a vulnerable position by sharing these thoughts and feelings with you? Absolutely, I do. And I know what it’s like to have vulnerabilities thrown back in your face and used against you. It hurts. Deeply.

But I believe so strongly in the shift that needs to take place in the church towards transparency, that I’m willing to put it out there.

The church needs transparency more than ever. We are a hurting people and hiding it only hurts us. Sharing with each other is part of God’s plan towards healing, in the right way, at the right time. Will you join me?

~Keeping it Real

In the Shoes of a Single Mom: Part 1

She is lonely.

She craves for something more.

She wants to believe in God and trust His plan for her life but her faith is failing her.

“Where are you God? Why am I going through this and why do I continue to feel lonely?

You said you would never leave me nor forsake me, but I don’t know if I believe that. Where are you?!!! And why haven’t you come to my rescue?

I go to work. I come home. I take care of children. I sleep. It’s the same thing every day.

Monotony.

I work hard but I can barely make ends meet financially. I’m struggling to just keep my head above water.

When will the struggle end?

I want to be loved. I want to feel the arms of someone at the end of every day, holding me close. I want to be honored, cherished, and treasured. I want someone to share my life with. If I had that, it would make the rest of life at least bearable.

I see all of my friends happy in love and I want to feel happy for them, but it is hard. I just want to scream “why not me?!” I struggle to hold back the tears when I see their happy “love stricken” posts on Twitter and Facebook.

I’m growing old and bitter. My heart hurts and I don’t see things getting better. When will this pain end?

I know that I’ve messed up in life, but I’m trying now. I’m trying to follow you God and I have been for a long time. How long must I pay for my mistakes? I know you can save me from this misery so why don’t you?

I’m tired of the loneliness and the heartache. Please God, Please! Reach down and change things for me. Help me out here! I. Can’t. Take. This. Much. Longer.”

Have you ever been in these shoes? Have you ever craved for something more?

Have you known someone living in these shoes? Do you wonder what to say to them?

I have felt some of these feelings, but even still, it’s hard to know what to say to this person. You want to share with them that Jesus is all they need, that He is the only one who can satisfy those deepest cravings for love and relationship. Personally, I’m internalizing that more and more every day.

But that is so hard to feel. You know it in your head but it’s tough to take what seems abstract and make it a concrete fact.

I want to tell her that it will all be okay. That God will pull her through this. Because He will.

But sometimes, she only needs me to listen.

To really listen.

To understand that her faith waivers at times and to hold back a “cookie cutter” response to her pain. To not give her all the “answers” or tell her what to do but to show her empathy. Often, she just needs someone to say “I’m so sorry” and validate her feelings.

She needs someone to just help her get through today and remind her that even if we don’t understand why, we can take one step at a time, together.

So take the pressure off of yourself to fix everything for her, even though you want to. Simply be her friend. Sometimes, that’s all she needs.

Is there a friend of yours who needs someone to take the time to think about what it would be like to be in their shoes and empathize with them? I want to encourage you to find one person today that you can reach out to and offer a listening ear. Vow in your heart to try to see things from her perspective, to understand her heart.

Take some time out of your busy schedule and meet her for dinner. Make an effort to text or call to check on her. Send her an encouraging card. Find small ways to show her you care and be intentional about it.

Most importantly, stop talking so much and start listening more.

If you have been in these shoes before, what is it that you would like to see and hear more of from your friends? What can we learn from you today?  I would love the opportunity to hear your heart if you would be willing to share.