The Sacrificial Broken Spirit

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:17

I have been blessed to have found not one, but two great church families that have been my home in recent periods of my life. One church is very special to me because it was the place I began to heal after my divorce. These people walked beside me, counseled me, mentored me, and were my friends. They have a very special place in my heart and I am so grateful for their love and support.

It was also a special place for me because it was in this church that I met my current husband. For a year and a half, my kids and I worshipped alone. One day, he decided to visit with his two daughters and we met (the beginning of a beautiful love story 😉 ) We continued attending together until we were almost married. At this point, we wanted to find a church closer to our home and in our own town. However, as time went by, we believed God was leading us to a church where neither of us had any previous history or leftover baggage despite where it was located. Since God had given us a new and fresh start in almost every other area of our lives, we wanted our new family to experience the same fresh beginning at a different place of worship.

After months of attending some really great churches, we finally found where God was calling us. From the first time we attended New Life Church, we truly felt peace and knew then that this is where He wanted us. We love it! And our children have loved it since the first day there!

With this church, I have cried many tears. I am overwhelmed at God’s love and mercy towards me and I feel His presence so near to me during the services. As I lift my hands in praise to Him, He reminds me of who He created me to be. He reminds me that I am beautiful. And wanted. I love Him for it. I love Him for the work He is doing in me.

And then there is the sermon. Our pastor is such a unique individual. He is funny on stage, purposeful in his delivery, and an amazing speaker. But above all, His love for Jesus shines as bright as any I’ve seen and he has a heart to reach people in all areas of life. I have grown to quickly love him and his wife, as has my family.

During one of these services, (remember I cry often), one of my sons looked over at me and said, “Mom, why do you always cry? Aren’t you happy?” I almost laughed out loud!

The truth is: my spirit is broken. I am crying because I am thankful for Him and His sacrifice. I am thankful for His forgiveness. I am thankful for grace. I am thankful that He saw beauty in me when there was none and that He brought me up out of a miry pit. I want to keep that broken spirit, because it is my sacrifice to Him. It is my way of showing Him my gratitude. It’s like when someone goes out of their way to do something meaningful for you and you just can’t thank them enough TIMES A THOUSAND.

Many see tears as a sign of weakness. But if my tears are a sign of my broken spirit in adoration of Him and is a sacrifice to the One who gave His life for me, then I am not weak. I am strong through Him. I pray that never changes. I pray my heart never grows cold again. For some, tears may not be the sign of a broken spirit, but for me, it is one way that my broken spirit is manifested.

God has given me a great church family with whom I can be myself. I cry in almost every service at some point. And I worship a God that can see through to my heart despite what others may “see”. He knows my heart’s desire is to worship and follow Him. I still fail Him every day but I will continue to keep striving to be more like Jesus.

Is your spirit broken? Do you feel God tugging on your heart to bring you to a point of complete and total surrender? I promise you, it is the best move you could ever make and you will not regret it! With Him at the center of your life, there is nothing you cannot do.

If you need prayer or someone to talk to, please email me at livingtransparently@yahoo.com. I’d be happy to pray for you! If you live in my area and are looking for a church family, come visit us at New Life Church. And if you see a woman with hands raised, tears in her eyes and a smile on her face, it just might be me.

The Strength and Dignity Flop with a Side of Fear

She is clothed with strength and dignity,

   and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

I’m not feeling very Proverbs 31 woman-like today. Not when it comes to this verse and how it describes some woman, because there is no way it could be me! Not today. The day has been a normal day without much of anything going on outside of everyday happenings.  There hasn’t been anything bad happen. In fact, all has gone quite well. Except for one thing. Me. I have lost my strength temporarily. I have misplaced my ability to laugh without fear of the future. There is so much in my life that I can fear. And some days, I do. I get tired of being strong and happy and content. I get tired of being positive.

It’s hard to admit this to you, to anyone. But I really want us, specifically women, to understand that sometimes we just feel this way. And it’s okay. It’s okay to temporarily feel “in the mulligrubs” as my dad would say. We just can’t hang out there all the time. This is normal, right? Tell me I’m not alone. Sometimes, I am just down. Period. No particular reason. Just life weighing on me.

So today I read this verse and I cling to it. I cling to the hope that I will be clothed with strength and dignity and laugh without fear of the future as I do on so many other days. Deep down, I trust Him. I trust His plan for my life and the lives of those I love. I get so tired of having to keep giving the fear back to Him, but I keep picking it back up! And as long as I keep picking it back up, I have to continue to keep giving it back to Him.

I would love some encouragement today. I need it. I crave your prayers and your encouragement. I try to be outward and give to others what I truly desire myself. Because I want to be an encourager and I want you to know how much God loves you and is in control of your life, as He is mine. But today, I am wrapped up in myself and need to be freed. I don’t like this place I’m in and need to give it up to God. In fact, writing about it is helping me. Admitting my weakness to you is helping me.

I will let God renew my spirit and I will put on strength and dignity as only He gives. I will not fear the future. In fact, I will laugh without fear of the future. Because I know I am in His hands. I relinquish my need for control because I know the One who knows what is best for me and I am trusting Him. Who is with me?

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

When I was young, I played basketball. I loved it and spent much of my free time practicing and playing. I started out my education in a very small Christian school and in the 5th grade, I began playing on the basketball team. And when I say “the basketball team”, that’s exactly what I mean. With an enrollment of around 100 students k-12, there was one team. Period. In the 5th grade, I was on the same team as the seniors.

Being from such a small school, doing new things and meeting new people greatly intimidated me. I was outgoing and talkative in the small group of friends I had within the school, but otherwise I was very introverted.

So when my dad wanted me to try out for a traveling basketball team when I was 13, I told him “no way!” He didn’t listen to me and made arrangements for me to attend a practice. I begged for him to not make me go. I was so scared of not being good, not knowing the girls, not knowing the plays, etc. On the night we were leaving for the practice, I cried and begged him one more time, claiming that I didn’t want to play with them and was afraid. He took me anyway.

It was one of the most uncomfortable things I had ever done up to that point in my life. Even after the first practice, I held to my opinion that I didn’t want to play with them. My fears were realized. I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t know the vocabulary they used, and I felt like I wasn’t nearly as good as everyone else. I secretly hoped they wouldn’t want me to come back, but that didn’t happen.

The series of the next practices became better and better and as I became more comfortable in this new team, I began to really enjoy it. This decision (of my Dad’s) led me to 4 years of playing travel ball and ultimately led to me developing as a player enough to play basketball in college. I made good friends, had lots of exposure as a basketball player at the National level, and ended up making incredible memories that I would never have had otherwise.

All because of my Dad pushing me out of my comfort zone.

This is a simple story to describe how sometimes getting out of our comfort zone can lead us to things we may have never experienced before. Though this example is of little significance compared to our spiritual lives, we can apply the principle to many things that we go through in life.

God spoke about not being afraid many times in the Bible. I believe He calls us to step outside of our comfort zone, to stretch ourselves, to help us see new worlds, to help us reach people for Him that we would not have otherwise reached. We can prepare ourselves for this comfort upheaval in all areas of our lives.

The more we experience, the more comfortable it gets to be uncomfortable.

And we hang onto His promises that He will give us His peace and calm our troubled and anxious hearts.

There’s a quote that says “Life always begins with one step outside of your comfort zone.” I believe that life really begins when Jesus is invited to be our Savior and that life is full and fulfilling when with Him, you step outside your comfort zones to face the unknown and grow. 

How is it that you are being called out of your comfort zone? Whether or not you have been forced out or are being called out, I encourage you to embrace it and know that God can use this situation in your life to help you grow and to quite possibly if you are willing point other people to Christ.

 

 

*Disclaimer: If the uncomfortable zone you are being forced into or pressured into isn’t following God’s principle’s, then that’s the time you should stand up and fight against it. The discomfort I write about is morally sound. 🙂

 

 

The Much Needed Facebook Break

I made a decision several weeks back to deactivate Lance’s and my Facebook account (with his approval of course). There are several reasons why I did but I am so glad I made that decision. Here are the reasons:

1. I was on it way too much.

I didn’t want to miss what was going on in any of my friend’s lives so I checked it often. In the line at the grocery store, waiting at the doctor’s office, on my lunch break, at home at night, first thing in the morning, and basically any opportunity I had to open it and read status updates.

One of the saddest aspects of this problem was that my eyes were down everywhere I went. If there were someone sitting beside me in the waiting room having a bad day, I would have never known. My mind was on my virtual world, which isn’t exactly real anyway. It saddens me to think of missed opportunities to be an encouragement FACE TO FACE to someone in need and to share God’s love with them.

2. I became tired of reading passive aggressive comments as well as ugly comments made.

Many of them related to other people that perhaps I knew a bit of the story (enough to recognize passive aggressive behavior) and some of them were about me. I decided long ago that I did not want to know what negativity was being posted about me and told my family and friends that if they noticed something ugly being posted to please refrain from telling me. It worked well for the most part and though they might slip and tell me something was posted, I rarely knew what it was. I set a boundary for myself and I stuck to it. These were things that I had no control over and if all it did was upset me, then I didn’t need that in my life. I wish I were stronger. But it’s really hard for me to handle criticism. Especially now, when my relationship with God is stronger than ever, my heart more right than ever, and my decisions based on many hours of prayer and seeking God. Deactivating Facebook so that I could focus on these issues was definitely the right decision to make.

During this time, I have found myself wondering what to do with my downtime, when I would normally be on my phone. I have found more time to read other blogs and devotionals. I have found more time to read my Bible. I have been more open to God using me in my daily life to encourage others and have conversations. I have realized opportunities every day to look someone else in the eyes and have meaningful conversations. I am less inward focused and more outward focus.

Here’s my dilemma. Facebook really was an avenue to reach others and offer an encouraging word. It was a place to post my blog entries through which I try to be real and encourage others. I tried to make it a positive place for others and post statuses that lifted people up rather than tear people down. I had many people private message me stating that I have been so encouraging to them and share with me things in their lives that they wanted me to pray about. I wrote every one of them in my prayer journal and still pray for them. It CAN be a good place to reach people, to let others know they aren’t alone in their struggles, to reach out to the hurting and show God’s love. It can be a good form of reaching others. The problem is when you are so technology focused that you don’t even see people,  real “reach out and pinch them” people, around you. When Facebook replaces Face-to-Face connection, it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate the role that it is truly playing in your life.

Also, there will always be people who will criticize me. I cannot continue to hide from it and I must figure out a way to not let it control my mind. I have been on a journey out of this mindset of being concerned with others’ opinion of me and this is just one more step I need to take. God is the only One whose opinion matters and though I will never do this perfectly, I am striving to seek Him in every decision.

So where does this leave me today? A break from Facebook is needed, maybe even scheduled breaks in the future. Or just when I find myself misusing it or obsessing over it. Everywhere I go, I observe people on it, scrolling through feeds. I’ve been that person. It’s ok in moderation. But it’s not ok when that’s the first thing you think of doing every time you get a spare second. It’s not ok to ignore your family, your kids, your friends and even strangers who may need a smile while checking facebook. Ironically, we ignore those we are face to face with in order to read about facade’s of lives that many times isn’t even reality.

I’ve needed this break to remind myself of these facts. I’ve needed this break to analyze the root of the problem and break the addiction.

In the last several weeks, I’ve realized how much I was on it and the influence I let it have over my life. I realized how damaging it was to my emotional and spiritual health as well as my family. I want to do a better job of not letting Facebook be such a influential part of my life.

I will most likely be back on Facebook at some point but until then, if you could join me in prayer over this matter, I would appreciate it. I am seeking more guidance and more strength before I return. I want it to be used in a positive way without it taking over my life. Will you join me?

~Keeping it Real

Why Pay at the Pump Costs Society

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit,but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

I was traveling to a small town in Arkansas on an assignment for my job when I noticed I needed gas in my car. I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere so when I turned a corner and saw a gas station in the distance, I was relieved.  As I approached the pumps, I noticed that they were not pay at the pump and became slightly agitated. I was in a hurry to reach my destination and this was a setback I had not planned. I would have to go inside to pay and it would cost me a few extra minutes of my time.

I finished up pumping my gas and went inside to pay. There was a woman at the counter with a smile on her face. I smiled back and though I wasn’t there long, we had a pleasant conversation.  I left that place feeling uplifted and I believe she was too just from seeing a friendly face and hearing a genuine “how are you?” I walked away from that little gas station with no “pay at the pump” pumps with a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart.

I resumed my drive and began to think. How often do we miss chances of personal connection because we are too busy to stop? How often do we miss out on opportunities to show Jesus’ love because we are lost in our own little world?

Our society is changing. Drastically. And fast. More and more inventions are being created that cater to our busy lifestyles and cut out the interpersonal communication with others. We are being launched into a selfish cycle of individualism and sometimes we don’t even realize it.

I’ve never thought about pay at the pump being one of these things that contributes to the lack of personal connection until that day. It costs society, if only a little, the vitality of human connection and the chance of reaching someone with the love of Christ.

There are a few things I thought of that we can do to counteract the conveniences that lend to us being self centered.

1. Rather than use pay at the pump, go inside to pay. Make an intentional effort to look around for someone you may be able to encourage. It could just be a friendly smile at the attendant. It might just be the smile that reaches their heart.

2. Instead of sending a text to a friend, call to talk and really listen. Don’t just talk about yourself. Or take them a small token of your thoughtfulness. Make an extra batch of cookies when cooking with your family. Buy something on clearance that made you think of them (or full price if you feel you can! 😉 ). Pick out a card to give them and hand deliver, or make one.

3. Go to the bank instead of banking online. Go inside instead of the drive through.

4. Shop in stores instead of online. There have been so many times I’ve run into someone that needed encouragement when I’ve been shopping!

All of these conveniences that cut out interpersonal connection makes life easier for us. And with the busyness of life, it is much appreciated! But what if we looked at it differently? What if we took the extra 5-10 minutes we spent on facebook or twitter to leave our house early so that we weren’t in such a rush? What if because of that, we opened our eyes to others and had time to make someone’s day by our smile and encouragement?

I believe in a world of modern conveniences that we must make an extra effort to communicate with others and get outside our little busy world. Pay at the pump costs us. It costs us face to face interaction, as so many other things today do. Let’s counteract it.  Let’s take some time to “look not only to your own interest, but also to the interests of others.”

What are some other ways we can do this?