Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish.
In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction;
you have put all my sins behind your back. Isaiah 38:17
I have failed as a Christian. Big time. I have been deceived by the master of deceit and have been through the pit of a sinful past.
This is not who I am today, thanks to the grace, forgiveness and restoration of my Savior. Jesus has transformed me from the person I used to be the beautiful creation He intended me to be from the beginning.
I can’t get enough of Jesus and His Word and I pray this desire to know His heart more fully never goes away.
I began writing. Sharing my heart with you. Not because I’m a writer and love to write, but because I want to share hope with you. I want my past experiences and my story of God’s restoration and love for me to give you the hope that He can do the same for you.
With this change in my life comes persecution. Satan loves to remind me of my past. To whisper how worthless I am and that I will never amount to anything good. He tries to lie to me about many things.
The past two days have been a struggle for me. I have been in a spiritual battle in my mind. My past came up once again, quite unexpectedly. I was accused of being the person today that I have been in the past.
It just isn’t true. However, this accusation led me into a whirlwind of thoughts about who I am as a person. Satan used these words to start in on me, lying to me about who I am. I’ve been experiencing an overwhelming sense of sorrow about my actions, even though they are now years old. There are days that I just cannot seem to escape my poor decisions.
This morning in my room, I could almost hear the evil laughter saying “ha, I got ya this time!” It spurred me to fight by letting Jesus take control of the fight and trusting Him to win it for me.
I strongly believe that this attack stems from my deep desire to serve God in every aspect of my life. Satan HATES losing and will fight to get us off course again, to make us think we aren’t worth saving, to make us think we are horrible people and might as well give up trying.
After several hours of intentional study and prayer this evening and talks with my husband, with God’s help I am on the other side of this particular battle.
He has once again wrapped His arms around me and shown me a love that cannot ever be duplicated.
He has reminded me of His forgiveness and power to make all things clean again, including my life.
This afternoon, I was trying to decide who of my good friends to contact for reassurance and encouragement. I very clearly heard Him tell me… “Let me do this. Let me be the One to tell you that you are not who you used to be. I am proud of you, my beautiful child. I only see beauty when I look at you. Come here and let me hold you.”
I broke down in tears. I have been in tears for several days now but these were different. Instead of sorrowful tears over a past I wish I could change, they were tears of joy and gratitude.
Two years ago, Jesus wiped away my past. WIPED AWAY FOREVER! I gave my life back to Him and He gave me a clean heart and purified me. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe, but He is powerful enough to do that!
Have I always been perfect since then? Absolutely not. I still fail Him on a daily basis. But the difference now is that my heart is where it should be. I am no longer being deceived and ignoring the Holy Spirit. I do not take any credit at all for this transition for it comes completely from Jesus. I had only to be willing to let Him transform me.
It was for my benefit that I suffered much anguish. In His love, He kept me from the pit of destruction and has put all my sins behind His back.
He has done the same for you if you’ve truly repented. He forgets it. You never will and that’s okay. It will be a reminder of where you’ve been so that you never return there. But leave it at that.
Daily give your mind to Christ and let Him fight your battles for you. He’s really good at it! In fact, He wins EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Keeping it real,